I Run Slow, but that's Okay

I've always been a competitive person by nature; maybe it's because I'm an only child. Anyway, I never noticed how competitive I was until recently. A few years ago I began running and joined a core group of running friends. We do a lot of races together and when we can, we run on the weekends and evenings as well. Everything is great when I can keep up with them or run faster than them, but lately it seems they are getting faster and I am getting slower. It has really been bothering me, but this morning when I was on one of my practice hill runs, I realized something; we all have our struggles. Now I know this may not seem like an epiphany to you, but realizing this was very important for me.
As I was running up the hill struggling to breathe and feeling twinges in my knee, I realized these are my struggles. After three knee surgeries, sometimes needing to use an inhaler when I run, and sometimes just not having time to run, the fact that I can get out there and run should be enough for me. The only person I need to compete against is myself; not my group of friends, not other people I see at races, and certainly not the people who are running past me as if I'm standing still. So whether a person struggles with age, peeing their pants as they run ;), breathing issues, weight issues, or just lack of energy, we all have our weaknesses and we all have our strengths. The only person we need to compare to is ourselves. The funny thing is, as soon as I had that thought I saw a young lady running up the hill I had just gone up as if there were no challenge for her at all (I really struggled to keep my pace). My first thought was, "Oh I hate her", but then I realized what I had said. I realized she has her struggles as well, and I tried to change my thinking to, "Good for her"! Good for all of us.

What my son learned in elementary school

My son has four days left in elementary school.  Four days and then he becomes a stinky, hormonal middle schooler.  I was lucky enough to have my children with me at elementary school, and having my baby go on to middle school is taking it's toll on this mommy.  Not only is he going off to be with big kids, but I won't be there to keep an eye on him.  I've had one of my babies close by for the last nine years, and now they will both be on their own (so to speak).  I know this is harder on me than him and he is ready for the change.  I know this because of what he learned in elementary school.

My son learned to read, write, and do math in elementary school.  He knows the constitution, the history of our country and state, and how to write a paragraph.  He learned to add, subtract, multiply, and divide.  I know he's ready for the academic challenges of middle school.  But my son learned so much more than this.

He learned that life isn't fair.  He learned the smart kids, the well behaved kids, the kind kids, aren't the ones who earn the awards.  He learned working hard and doing well isn't going to get you that trophy or that medal.  He learned the students who really deserve the recognition don't get it.  Really, just ask him.

And in spite of this, he learned working hard and doing what's right is important, even if you don't get the recognition.  Knowing what is right, and doing what is right, that feeling you get, that is more important than the piece of pizza at Principal's Lunch or the piece of paper at the award ceremony.  Amazingly, though he hasn't been recognized for three years for never getting in trouble, having good attendance, or having a grade below a C, being a good student is important to him.

So tonight I thank the teachers at his school.  Not for being supportive (though there were a couple who were), or for being a good role model, but for teaching him a lesson.  Sometimes it really is the "bad kids" who get all of the credit...and the "good kids", well, they are just good because they know it's the right thing to do.  I know this is a lesson my son will carry with him for the rest of his life.  I just wish he would have learned it a different way.

New Year New Me?

I have been seeing New Year's resolutions all over the place. Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter. It's interesting to me how one day out of the year make a difference. Why do we wait for the New Year to make resolutions? If I want to better myself, why not today? I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. I've never really understood them. If I want to make a change I'll do it now, not wait for the first of the year. I guess it has significance in being a new start, but the change really needs to start with me. One day can't really change my life, that comes from within. The new year is just another day and who I am, that comes from the heart. See, the calendar isn't going to make change happen; I need to make the change. Decide who I want to be and be that person. I have to live for me, and not wait around for a specific day. So, in this new year, I guess I hope that you see who you should be. Not just today, but every day of this year.

Taking Time for Me

It's been a while since I have written a blog post.  I guess I feel like I don't have anything important to say most of the time.  I decided I'm going to try to post at least once a week for the coming year to help me keep focus on my new endeavor.  What is it, you might ask?  I have decided to go back to school (again) to get my administration certification.

If you are like my daughter, you are asking why?  Don't you have enough on your plate?  The answer is yes, and no.  I have spent the last 15 years of my life focusing on the most important things in my world: my kids.  I have been their taxi driver, scout leader, cheerleader, and teacher.  I stayed at the same school for 10 years because my children were at my school.  I've helped with homework, watched karate, swim lessons, and dance practice and listened to them play piano, guitar, sing, whatever their little hearts are into at the moment.  I have spent so much time loving and caring for them that I forgot about taking care of myself.  My children are growing up now and though they'll still need me for a while, I know the days of staying busy for them are coming to an end.

So now it's my turn.  I earned this time.  I am going to do things for me.  I see an opportunity to better my career and I'm going to take it.  The next 17 months aren't going to be easy; my classes are going to take a lot of my time.  I still struggle with the fact that I am often doing homework instead of playing games or hanging out with my family.  But I'm learning that it's okay to take a few hours out of my week to do something for me.  I'll be a better person for it in the end.

I'm having an affair

It's true.  I sleep with it every night, I worry when it doesn't get enough attention, and when it vibrates, I get so happy!

Yep, I'm having an affair with my Fitbit.  We've been together for almost a year now (well, I did trade up when the new Charge came out, but I've been faithful ever since!).  We sleep together, eat together, work together and run together.  I never thought I'd feel this way about anything other than my husband, but, it turns out, I can't live without my Fitbit.

In fact, I even dream about the future with my Fitbit.  I think to myself, will we grow old together?  When I'm 70 year old, will it's little vibrations (at 10,000 steps) excite me as they do now?  Will I strive to get to 10,000 steps every day?  Will I have the cute little tan line on my wrist?

My Fitbit and I have been through so much together!  From those days when I could barley run a mile to now, where we get cranky if we don't run at least every other day.  5K?  No problem!  10K?  Piece of cake!  As long as I get my happy little vibration and my little Fitbit party (as I like to call it).

So, my husband has some competition.  I suppose it's not really fair, since my Fitbit and I are rarely apart.  We'll see how he stacks up.  ;)

“I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ― Martin Luther King Jr

I haven't really been watching the news lately, it just depresses me too much, but you would have to live under a rock to not know what is going on in Baltimore.  I know that people are angry, frustrated and scared and that I'll never understand that kind of fear because, well, I just never will.  I can't help but feel like society is going backwards.  Black people are afraid of cops, white people don't know who to believe, it's all just getting out of hand.  Here's what I do know:
There are bad cops.
There are bad black people.
There are bad white people.
There are bad brown and beige people.
There are bad Muslims, Catholics, Christians and Atheists.
There are bad teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, waitresses, bankers and investors.
There are bad people of every race, religion and field of employment (and even bad unemployed people).

But, here's what I believe:
There are good cops.
There are good black people.
There are good white people.
There are good brown and beige people.
There are good Muslims, Catholics, Christians and Atheists.
There are good teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, waitresses, bankers and investors.
There are good people of every race, religion and field of employment (and even good unemployed people).

And I believe that the good outnumber the bad in every one of those categories.  I know things are looking dark right now, but what if we all tried to see the good in others?  What if we lifted each other up, complimented and gave praise instead of looking for the bad and criticizing?  I know we can love each other and end violence.  I know that we can be happy and non-judgmental.  How do we get there?  That's where I want to be and that's how I'm going to live.  Maybe I'm just some crazy naive white girl, but I am going to look for the good in everyone I meet.  I hope we all can do the same.

I'll never have money, but I'm oh so rich

This week has been one of those weeks; scratch that, this month has been one of those months, or maybe this year has been one of those years.  I admit it; I've felt sorry for myself, stressed and have been upset.  My life doesn't always go as planned, and, well, it pisses me off sometimes.  My car is making noises it shouldn't be making.  My friends are going on trips I can't go on.  My child didn't get into the school she wanted to;  Sometimes life really stinks.

Yet...most of the time life is so amazing.  I feel like such an ungrateful shit for feeling sorry for myself.  I have an amazing family, a husband who loves me and two children who are really good great kids.  I'm not just saying that, somehow I ended up with these amazing two little people who live in my house, who I really probably don't deserve, yet here they are.  They are smart, talented and well behaved, and they are the loves of my life.

And then there's my job.  I complain about it sometimes, more than I should.  There's a lot of paperwork and some days are really hard.  I couldn't wait to go on a two week break.  But I have to admit.  As I was saying goodbye to the little monsters today, for two weeks, I was sad.  I really will miss them.  And I'm already dreading the end of the school year when I will say goodbye to three of them for good.

For those of you who don't know, I teach preschoolers with autism.  This is my first year after teaching regular education for sixteen years.  I decided I needed a change, so I made a huge one.  The first few weeks I was really afraid I had made a big mistake.  I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and was flying by the seat of my pants.  There are still times that I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but then sometimes I feel like I am really making a difference in these kids' lives.  

I have seen some amazing things happen with these little people this school year.  I've seen language grow, social skills emerge and even some huge academic improvements.  I've changed lots of diapers (although my amazing aides have changed hundreds more) and I've kissed lots of boo boos.  Today, though, I saw some changes in some of my little people that made my heart grow three sizes.  

I saw a little guy share who has never wanted to share before, offering a toy to another little boy.  I heard another little guy, who could barely talk in August, say my name.  And I got a kiss from my newest little guy who spent hours screaming just a few short weeks ago.  

These may seem like small milestones to you, but to me, they are the world.  We work so hard with our little friends to show progress like this, and today, I saw it working. 

So, I don't have a lot of money, and as a teacher, I never will expect to.  But my life is so rich.  

My Plea

My plea to parents:

Teach your child manners.  He should say, "Thank you," when someone does something for him and, "You are welcome," (not "sure") when someone thanks him.  He should hold the door when he is the first one through.  He should place the napkin on his lap at the table and smile when someone walks by.

Teach your child empathy.  She should notice when someone is upset and try to make the person feel better.  She should understand when someone wants to be left alone, but be there when someone needs a shoulder to cry on.  She should know not to judge a person before walking in his shoes.

Teach your child respect.  He should not talk back to a person in authority.  He should look a person in the eyes when talking.  He should listen when being spoken to.  He should treat others the way he wants to be treated.

Teach your child kindness.  She should keep her mouth shut if she doesn't have something nice to say.  She should say nice things.  She should invite the new kid to play with her.  She should stand up for the kid who is being picked on.

Teach your child responsibility.  He should accept consequences for his actions.  He should work to be sure those consequences are few and far between.  He should do his homework without complaint.  He should have chores, and do them on a regular basis.  He should do what he says.

Teach your child cleanliness.  She should shower regularly.  She should keep her teeth brushed and her hair combed.  She should wear clean clothes (or at least start out in them).

Teach your child safety.  He should look both ways before crossing the street.  He should wear a helmet when appropriate.  He should watch for cars when riding his bike.  He should walk with others to and from school.  He should know where to go in case of an emergency.

Most of all, teach your child love.  Be sure your child knows you love her.  Be sure your child knows he is your world.  Be sure your child knows what she means to you.  Never, ever let a day go by that you don't tell him, "I love you."

Learning to Love Myself

I ran my first 5K last week, along with my 20-something sister-in-law, who ran her first 10K.  After our race, she put a picture of the two of us on Facebook.  Looking at her cute little body next to me, I felt bad at first, but then I realized, I'm almost 40 and I ran a 5K!  In the last two days, I've run nine miles!  I'm not obese, not really even overweight, but I've always been hard on myself and, let's face it, I've never been that cute skinny little girl in a bikini.  But I'm finally coming to terms with who I am.  I am a mother, a wife, a teacher, a friend.  I am so much more than my body.  Why did this affect me so much?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about weight due to Abercrombie Fitch making their beautiful people statement and I think it's really sad that a company would exclude a whole group of people, well exclude the majority of the people, by saying that they expect only beautiful and thin people to be in their store.  First of all, who says only thin people are beautiful?  In fact, I know a lot of not-so-beautiful thin people.  And, I know a lot of beautiful not-so-thin people.  So, we need to start by clarifying that skinny and beautiful don't always belong in the same sentence, just as fat and beautiful can fit perfectly well together.

Second of all, how many people really can fit into a size 0, or even a 2 or 4 pair of jeans?  I know of very few.  It seems like a really poor business decision to cater to such a small number of people.  Now, I know that Abercrombie Fitch does very well and has made millions (billions?), but imagine how much more they could sell if they were just a little more open minded.  But, if Jeffries doesn't mind losing all of that business, that's his prerogative.

So, here's what I have learned, in my infinite wisdom (that may just have to do with my age :) ) I may not be the skinny little person that I would like to be. I may not look good in a bathing suit.  But I'm healthy and I'm happy. I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for who loves me even if I have a little extra to love.  I will enjoy an extra glass of wine or the occasional dessert without any guilt, and I will run and run until I can't run anymore.  Although I know he'll never see this, Mike Jeffries, you can kiss my ass.  ;)

I'm No Hero

Tomorrow is the day we go back to school after a two week winter break.  I don't know if I'll ever walk into those doors feeling the same after the shooting in CT.  I know there have been school shootings before, but I don't remember one where so many wonderful, brave, innocent people died.  There were so many heroes that day, so many brave men and women who saved so many lives.

The weekend after the shooting was a very busy one for me.  My son was in a performance that kept us busy all weekend.  I really didn't have a chance to process what had happened.  That Monday during announcements, we had a moment of silence for the children of Sandy Hook Elementary.  That was when it hit me.  Standing in my classroom with my 22 third graders sitting in front of me.  I found myself looking around my classroom.  There are no bathrooms in there, no large closets to hide children in.  Could I somehow shove all 22 of them in the cabinets if I needed to?  Would it be safer to shove them out the window into the courtyard?  Do they all know what to do in case of an emergency?

I teared up during our moment of silence.  When announcements were finished, I began to tell the children that they are safe at school.  We do drills and discuss what to do in an emergency.  We do this not because of Sandy Hook; we have always done this.  I tried my very hardest not to cry as I was talking to my students, but then I looked at his face.  My own little boy is in my class.  Can I keep him safe?  Can I keep that promise to him?  I had to turn away to gather my composure and then went on with the day. 

A few minutes later, I looked up and one of my students was crying.  I called her over to me and asked if she was upset about the shooting.  She said she was and started crying harder.  I didn't know what to say.  How do you explain something to a nine year old when you don't understand yourself.  I did the best I could, I hugged her and cried with her.

You see, I'm no hero.  In all honesty, I don't know what I would do if someone came into our school threatening to hurt my students.  I hope I would have the sense about me to do what those brave people at Sandy Hook did.  I hope I would know just how to keep my kids safe.  I practice the drills, I can tell you what I am supposed to do, I just can't guarantee that it would be enough.

Truth is, I'm a teacher, not a hero.

So, That's How They Do It

I got the great idea this summer of having my nine year old son (well, eight at the time) join the cast of Miracle on 34th Street.  I mean, how hard can it be, right?  They have four months to rehearse and get everything set up.  This is going to be one of the easiest things I've done! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I learned several very important lessons and I'm going to do you a favor and share them with you, because I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

First of all, don't sign your kid up for a play that your friend's children are also in.  When friends know certain things, like you have taken a couple of cake classes, maybe, you end up getting signed up to do certain things, like make a giant four foot prop cake for example.  When asked to make this four foot prop cake, I thought, no problem, I can do this.  20 hours later with the help of my step-mom, we had a beautiful four foot (OK, maybe five) pink and white very sparkly birthday cake.  Phew!  My part is done (and I learned a ton about paper mâché and tissue paper flowers!)

Oh, wait, what's that?  Full dress rehearsal is in six days and half of the actors don't have costumes?  Oh, of course I'll stay and spend seven hours (along with my step-mom) to make costumes.  I mean, really, I'm not going to leave my nine year old son at sixteen hours of rehearsal this weekend by himself (second mistake...leave him there!), so what else do I have to do?

Third mistake..."Oh, you're a teacher?  Great!  We could really use your help backstage to help keep the kids quiet.  Wear all black to the final dress rehearsal."  Um, oh, OK.  This is the part that I think is actually going to be the hardest, but it hasn't happened yet.  Try keeping thirty children ranging in age from nine to 65 quiet for five hours.  Yay!  That's going to be fun!  (Insert sarcastic face here.)

Fourth mistake (and this is just reiterating the third mistake), staying with said nine year old son at every dress rehearsal (they started at four hours once a weekend, ended with eight hours twice a weekend).  "We need a gavel, can you make one?"  "Does anyone have stuff for the three men in a tub?"  "These red suspenders are too long...can you help shorten them?"  "I can't find my costume!"  "Can you make 14 red envelopes addressed to Santa by tomorrow?"  "Can you help me create a teaching guide for teachers?"

Can you help me find my bottle of wine? 

So, yes, this has been a great experience and my son (and I) has really learned so much.  Being the drama kid that he is, he has had a great time and is excited for show time.  I really have a lot more respect for all of the shows that Tahoe Players has put on in the past...I really had no idea how hard it was!

I can't wait for my son to be the shining star (well, shining support character) in the fourteen (no, that wasn't a typo) shows he's in, I know he'll do great in his first big production!  And truth be told, I secretly hope I hear someone whisper, "Did you see that amazing cake?"  "Look at how cute those letters to Santa are!" or "Wow!  Those red suspenders are amazing!" ;)

Who Should be President?

Wow!  So much political opinion has been thrown at me lately, I think I just might go crazy!  I find it funny that people on Facebook keep posting articles and making comments that either support their candidate or show how horrible the other candidate is.  Do you really think that first of all, I 'm going to read the article that you posted that was written by your political party and second of all, I'm going to let that sway my vote?  I don't have time to read these biased articles.  And, let's face it, don't most of us already know who we are going to vote for?  I'm pretty sure the 15 articles you just posted on Facebook is not going to change anyone's vote.  In fact, all you are doing is clogging my wall and pissing me off. 

So, who should be president?  I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, or even who I'm going to vote for (although if you know me, you already know).  I will, however, tell you what I want to see in a president.  Unfortunately, I don't think this person exists.

I want a president who, no matter who he (or she) pisses of, will stand up for what he believes in.  Don't say what you think you want the people to hear.  Tell me how you REALLY feel. 

I want a president who believes that all people, black, white, brown, purple, yellow, green, male, female, gay, straight, should be treated equally.  Don't pay me less because I am a woman, don't deny my friend benefits because he is black, or gay.

I want a president who believes that as an educated woman, I can make my own decisions about my own body.  You have never walked in my shoes or lived in my world.  Why do you think you know what is best for me?

I want a president who will put America first.  I love my country, I really do.  I want to fix what is wrong here, then we will be in a better position to help other nations.  There are so many poor and hungry children here, can't we help them?

I want a president who believes that everyone is entitled to great health care, especially children.  It is not fair that a person with a pre-existing condition can't find a new job, a better job, because they will lose the health care that pays for life saving medications.  It's not fair that children (who really are the only innocent ones in this whole f-ed up situation) have to suffer because their parents can't afford to buy the medication that could save their lives.  It's not fair that they have to suffer through the pain and embarrassment of having major dental issues because their parents can't afford the dental care that is needed.  Children should never, ever be denied health care.

I want a president who understands that it does take money to run the country.  Taxes are necessary, there is no doubt in my mind about that.  I want someone who thinks everyone should pay their fair share.  Is that a percentage, a sliding scale?  I'm not sure.  I do think that there must be a fair way to figure this out.

I want a president who makes education a priority.  History shows, you either spend the money on education today or prisons tomorrow.  I also want a president who understands that every child will NEVER score 100% on every test.  Educations needs a total re-haul in this country.  We need to look to the European nations who offer trade schools and colleges.  Not every child is college bound, or should be.  We need trades people, and there has been a sharp decline in these fields lately.  Why not offer these courses in high school...and watch the drop out rate make a sharp decline.

I want a president who will listen to the people, all of us, and then make what he truly thinks is the best decision for the nation, the entire nation, not just the rich, not just the poor, not just the middle class.  What is best for ALL of us, for Americans? 

I want a president who will do that.  That's who I want to vote for.

Learning to Say Goodbye

I've decided that the crappy part of life is that it ends way too soon. 

We lost our precious dog, Betty last weekend.  She was our first pet, before our children, before having a house, before having real jobs.  She was truly a part of our family.

Betty was a most interesting dog.  She resembled a dingo, funny looking girl, with really big ears.  In fact, we even called her RBE sometimes.  We first met Betty at Petsmart when they were doing a Love a Pet adoption event.  Betty had been brought in with a rope around her neck; the employees thought she was a junk yard dog.  She ran over and peed on my foot and right then I knew I had to have her.  We brought her home and she ran around our small apartment like a mad dog.  She would pee on the floor every time we came home and tore up the carpet during thunderstorms. 

As Betty grew older, we all learned so much.  Betty learned to go pee only outside and we learned how to replace carpet.  She never did grow out of her fear of thunderstorms, although once her hearing went out, she stopped tearing up the carpet.

Betty turned out to be such a great dog.  She loved back packing and would swim in a lake for hours.  She once lead us right to the camp on a rainy night in a forest so dark, you could barely see your hand in front of you.

When we brought home our children, she loved them immediately.  She was very protective of them and was so patient as they climbed all over her and pulled her tail.  She scared the bad guys away and helped us to feel safe.

Six years ago, we were told that Betty had Cushings and had only six months to live.  Those vets didn't know Betty very well.  She lived those six years with a happiness, energy and love for life that only a dog can have.

When we brought home our puggle, Miley, four years ago, Betty accepted her as her own.  She cared for her and loved her.  They were best buds.  Miley is so lonely without her momma dog to care for her.

The last few months of Betty's life were difficult.  She would watch the other dogs swim at the lake, longing to be able to join them, but just not sure enough of herself to do it.  She had a hard time walking on the laminate floor and sometimes her legs would slide out from beneath her and she would get stuck.  She would only eat her dinner if we mixed it with chicken broth or some other yummy treat.  She had gone deaf and blind.  Although her death has been hard, I know she is out of pain and is running around on Rainbow Bridge.

Betty lived a much longer life than we ever thought.  Those extra years were a gift to us.  She was a great dog and she will always be a part of our family.

It's Always the Good Ones

I have met so many wonderful children in my life.  That's one of the benefits of being a teacher.  You meet these amazing little people and you know that someday they will grow up into amazing big people.  I know that these little people will make a difference in the world, some of them more than others.  One in particular, has already made a difference in my world.

I went to a fundraiser tonight for a little boy I had in my class in first grade.  This year stands out to me because I had my daughter in my class this year.  It was an amazing year.  I met one of my good friends that year as we team taught and learned so much from each other.  We had 36 little people in our room.  Some of them made us laugh, some of them made us cry and some of them made us want to quit our jobs!

I'll never forget one little guy.  I'll call him Fred.  Fred was such a little bugger!  He would get angry at us and hide his head in the cubbies or crawl under the desk so we couldn't get to him.  Fred had a tough life.  His parents were getting divorced and there was a lot of heartache in this six year old little boy.  Fred had to catch the bus at 7:20, but school didn't start until 9:00, so he was often hungry way before lunch.  I always bought string cheese to keep in the refrigerator and when Fred started getting cranky, I'd give him a piece.  It seemed to help him a lot.

Fred left our school toward the end of the year, but he was back the following year.  I'll never forget those dimples when he smiled.  He would always greet me with a big smile and hug in the hallway.  He moved schools again during this school year.  He was in fifth grade.

A couple of weeks ago, we got a flier emailed to us for a fundraiser for Fred.  He has a brain tumor.  I found out through teachers at his current school that the tumor was found when he started having seizures.  I couldn't believe that this sweet boy was so sick.  I knew I had to go and see Fred at this event.

I was so happy when I saw Fred.  He looked up at me and another teacher from our school and smiled such a big smile.  He said, "I was wondering if you would come!"  I told him I wouldn't miss this night because I love him so much.  He didn't look sick.  Other than a new pair of glasses, he looked like the same little boy I had in first grade.  I hugged Fred so tight.  I sure do miss seeing that face around school.

I don't know how sick Fred really is.  I know that he has a tumor in his brain that was causing seizures.  I believe the seizures are under control thanks to the medication he is taking.  I understand that he will be having surgery soon to try to remove the tumor.  I want him to be the healthy, happy ten year old boy that he deserves to be.

I can't explain why I love Fred so much.  I tend to like the kids who are little stinkers in class, but truly have the kindest hearts you can imagine.  I will never forget that little boy who hid his head in the cubbies and ate the string cheese out of my fridge.

I hope beyond hope that Fred is going to be ok.  He will always hold a special place in my heart.

I Am a Teacher

I am a teacher.  If I am doing my job well, some days your child will not like me, but he will know that I always love him.  It is my job to find things that interest your child so that he has the desire to learn.  In this way, I am in the business of putting myself out of business.  I can facilitate your child's education, but I cannot force your child to learn.  He has to do this on his own.  My job is to help him find the passion to teach himself.  My job is to show you what your child is capable of.  Sometimes you will think that I am too strict or that I expect too much.  I know that your child can do things you never thought possible if given the chance.  I will not hold your child's hand as he learns, but I will be there to catch him if he falls.  I am a teacher.

Dark Chocolate, Sea Salt, Red Wine and Tea

I am finally at a point in my life where I think I deserve a little me time.  I used to feel guilty for spending time at the gym unless the kids were in bed or taking a nap during the day.  I have come to realize that these times are important for my sanity.  I now don't mind spending an hour at the gym when the kids are home.  I will take a short nap with no regrets.  These are all little victories that make my life so much sweeter.  I am a better mother, wife, person because of these times.

My latest indulgences are dark chocolate laced with sea salt and a glass of red wine.  I know this seems so simple, but to me, it's like a touch of elegance in my day.  I savor the small bits of chocolate and the glass of wine that complements it so well.

My other secret indulgence is a cup of hot tea with a touch of almond milk at night when everyone else has gone to bed.  I hold the warm cup in my cold hands and let the warmth take over my entire body.  Relaxing on the couch with my cup of tea and the remote in my hand, with me in full control...ahh. 

With age has come the ability to find joy in the most simplest of things.  I can't wait to see what lies ahead. 

Whose Rights Are They, Really?

Being a teacher who has to give real letter grades on report cards for the first time in 14 years has really been difficult.  What do these grades really mean?  It seems that no matter what grades I give, they are not a true representation of every child.  When I give one student an A who always works above grade level, does that mean the same thing as the A I give the student who's work I modify every day? 

It also turns out that I'm quite a sucker.  For some reason I gave the students who have regular behavior problems a B in citizenship.  Of course, they don't deserve a B, but what grade do they deserve?  In my frustration, I told my husband, "I'm just going to give everyone a C!  They can all be average!"

This got me thinking.  Don't we teach children that we are all average these days?  We don't teach our children that putting your best effort and working hard are important.  We teach them that we are all "equal".  We all have the same opportunities, the same chance to go to college, the same chance to be successful.  What a load of crap!

Those of you who know me know that I am pretty liberal, and this blog may surprise some of you, but I'm tired of this passivist attitude.

My first experience as a parent with this new way of thinking was when my children signed up for softball/t-ball as young children.  After each game, my children asked me who won.  Um, I don't know, we don't keep score.  At the end of the season, everyone got a trophy.  EVERYONE GOT A FRIGGING TROPHY!!  What are we teaching these kids?  If you sit around and watch the bunnies, you get a stupid, meaningless trophy? 

Next was the science fair, which I help run at our school.  We couldn't do first, second and third place anymore because we might hurt someone's feelings.  We will simply buy a different ribbon for the kids who get to go to the regional fair.  WHAT??!!  If you put the most effort and did the best project, you deserve the shiny blue ribbon!  You earned that ribbon!

Now that I think about it, not only do we not reward the "good" children, the hard working children, but we reward those children who regularly get in trouble.  The ones who need to learn to make better choices.  My daughter is a straight A student who NEVER gets in trouble.  She also has not received the "Principal's Award" in 2 1/2 years.  The students who get into trouble regularly sure have earned it, though.  What are we teaching these children?  Follow the rules and you will be ignored.  Break the rules, cause problems and we will jump at your command, give you a hug when you hit someone and give you a sticker when you remember to say thank you. 

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of this attitude.  I am sick and tired of students taking away from my children's learning.  I'm tired of children being able to hurt another child "because he has a disability and he has rights".  What about my child's rights?

My dream job would be to open a school where only children who want to learn can come.  You hurt other children, talk back, get violent?  See ya!  Imagine what I could do.  I could take these children on the most amazing field trips because I would know they wouldn't cause problems, get hurt or embarrass me.  I could teach them so much more without the distractions.  I could teach them to teach themselves.  I could become the facilitator, not the teacher.  I could have amazing results.

I know the new idea is to send every student to college, make every student average.  Imagine our lives in an average world.  Who would cure cancer?  Who would start the path to world peace?  Who would make my damn french fries at McDonald's?  I like those french fries.

What Really is Important in Life?

I had one of the scariest nights ever tonight.  My good friend's son was missing...for three hours.  It was so horrible and I felt so helpless.  Thankfully, he was found safe and sound.  It really makes you think, however. 

This sweet boy is only eight years old.  He walked out of school and hadn't been seen since.  Jered happened to be at school and as soon as we heard the office do an all-call for him, we walked around the outside of the school.  Nowhere.  We went inside and found out that he was not on the school bus or at home.  That's when panic started to set in, but just a bit.  We have children go "missing" all the time.  They are always found within thirty minutes at a friend's house.  This boy was missing for three hours!  That never, ever happens.  After the first hour, you start to think that maybe things won't go so well.  When it starts getting dark and rainy, you really start to panic.  I found myself searching empty fields for this child, my friend's child.  What if I would have found something horrible?  I can't even bare to think of it.

I can't begin to explain the support that showed up for this family.  Not knowing what else to do, I put his picture on my Facebook page and started texting his picture to everyone I know locally.  People replied immediately.  Friends who don't even know the child or his family came to the school to help canvass the neighborhood.  Teachers came back to school, on a Friday night, to help look for him.  School police, office staff, sheriff.  This boy was GOING to be found.

Thankfully, he was found at a friend's house.  There had been a miscommunication about what was supposed to happen after school.  I am so happy to report a happy ending to my story.

But this story made me think.  What if we didn't find him?  How would that change things?  My friend's life?  My life?  Suddenly my dirty house, my bills, my stresses in life seem so....so petty.  Really, what matters in life?  My family, my friends, my children and my amazing community matter.  I am still so overwhelmed and humbled by the support we received tonight.  People who don't even know them dropped everything, on a Friday night, when they really just wanted to go home and rest, to find this child.  And they don't regret a second of it.

That's what's important in life.  This amazing, wonderful life.

The Road to Healthy Living

I've been trying to make better choices lately.  Trying to eat better and get more exercise.  However, it seems as if the world is working against me!

This past week I have had something to do EVERY day.  Most of the things involve food.  Why is it that when we get together with friends or family we don't serve fruit or vegetables?  It's always fried, battered, sugary junk.  It's very difficult to be on a weight loss journey and be around....people.  I know, I know, it's all about will power.  Turns out I have none.  I can walk right past that chocolate cake, no worries; but put a plate of chicken wings in front of me and you better just get the heck out of the way because I will eat them.  All of them.  And if your fingers get in the way, I just might eat those, too.

I went back to work on Monday after having two weeks off.  Sunday, I told myself, "Self, you are going to the gym tomorrow at 6:00am."  Sunday night, I was still not in bed at 11:00.  Monday morning, I told myself, "I'll start tomorrow, for sure."  I didn't get home until after 10:00.  Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were all the same.  Turns out I can talk myself out of going bed early just so I don't have to get up early and go to the gym.  I'm hoping to get to the gym today because once I get there, I'm usually pretty good at going regularly.  Except for the fact that we are supposed to go meet one of my husband's out of town friends today, have to take Gwen around to sell Girls Scout cookies and have another child spending the night at our house tonight.  See, I can make an excuse for anything.

So, I'll keep trying to better myself.  Maybe one of these days I'll actually be able to talk myself INTO it instead of OUT of it.

If you'll excuse me, breakfast is ready.  My husband make fried eggs, sausage and hashbrowns.  Oi Vey!

I Don't Believe in New Year's Resolutions

So, we are almost two weeks into 2012 and people keep asking me what my New Year's resolutions are.  I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.  I have learned that for me, New Year's resolutions are just a set up for failure.  I can't logically set a resolution for myself that I'm going to stick with for 365 days just because it's January 1st. 

I have, however, set some personal goals for myself.  Not resolutions, but things I would like to do to better myself.  Not for a year, but for life. 

One goal I have set is to spend more time outside with my kids, especially on break.  I've found that it's so easy to spend time cleaning my house during break (and who doesn't love a clean house?), but while I'm inside cleaning my house, my kids are inside watching TV, playing video games, you get the picture.  So, luckily for us, winter break was amazing.  The weather was so nice, we were outside almost every day.  We went on walks around the Marina, went on bike rides, spent time together.  This was one of those breaks that I will never forget.  I've learned that although my house isn't spotless, the dirt will be there another day.  My kids have grown so much.  I don't want to regret cleaning my house instead of playing with my kids.  I don't want my kids to say that their mom was too busy cleaning the house to play with them. 

So, this is my promise to myself and my kids.  Not for a year, but forever.  I will never, ever put cleaning the house before playing with you again.  Really, I'm the only person who notices the dust on the table.  Some day, I'm going to miss the days that I didn't have time to keep the house spotless.