I'll never have money, but I'm oh so rich

This week has been one of those weeks; scratch that, this month has been one of those months, or maybe this year has been one of those years.  I admit it; I've felt sorry for myself, stressed and have been upset.  My life doesn't always go as planned, and, well, it pisses me off sometimes.  My car is making noises it shouldn't be making.  My friends are going on trips I can't go on.  My child didn't get into the school she wanted to;  Sometimes life really stinks.

Yet...most of the time life is so amazing.  I feel like such an ungrateful shit for feeling sorry for myself.  I have an amazing family, a husband who loves me and two children who are really good great kids.  I'm not just saying that, somehow I ended up with these amazing two little people who live in my house, who I really probably don't deserve, yet here they are.  They are smart, talented and well behaved, and they are the loves of my life.

And then there's my job.  I complain about it sometimes, more than I should.  There's a lot of paperwork and some days are really hard.  I couldn't wait to go on a two week break.  But I have to admit.  As I was saying goodbye to the little monsters today, for two weeks, I was sad.  I really will miss them.  And I'm already dreading the end of the school year when I will say goodbye to three of them for good.

For those of you who don't know, I teach preschoolers with autism.  This is my first year after teaching regular education for sixteen years.  I decided I needed a change, so I made a huge one.  The first few weeks I was really afraid I had made a big mistake.  I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and was flying by the seat of my pants.  There are still times that I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but then sometimes I feel like I am really making a difference in these kids' lives.  

I have seen some amazing things happen with these little people this school year.  I've seen language grow, social skills emerge and even some huge academic improvements.  I've changed lots of diapers (although my amazing aides have changed hundreds more) and I've kissed lots of boo boos.  Today, though, I saw some changes in some of my little people that made my heart grow three sizes.  

I saw a little guy share who has never wanted to share before, offering a toy to another little boy.  I heard another little guy, who could barely talk in August, say my name.  And I got a kiss from my newest little guy who spent hours screaming just a few short weeks ago.  

These may seem like small milestones to you, but to me, they are the world.  We work so hard with our little friends to show progress like this, and today, I saw it working. 

So, I don't have a lot of money, and as a teacher, I never will expect to.  But my life is so rich.  

Learning to Love Myself

I ran my first 5K last week, along with my 20-something sister-in-law, who ran her first 10K.  After our race, she put a picture of the two of us on Facebook.  Looking at her cute little body next to me, I felt bad at first, but then I realized, I'm almost 40 and I ran a 5K!  In the last two days, I've run nine miles!  I'm not obese, not really even overweight, but I've always been hard on myself and, let's face it, I've never been that cute skinny little girl in a bikini.  But I'm finally coming to terms with who I am.  I am a mother, a wife, a teacher, a friend.  I am so much more than my body.  Why did this affect me so much?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about weight due to Abercrombie Fitch making their beautiful people statement and I think it's really sad that a company would exclude a whole group of people, well exclude the majority of the people, by saying that they expect only beautiful and thin people to be in their store.  First of all, who says only thin people are beautiful?  In fact, I know a lot of not-so-beautiful thin people.  And, I know a lot of beautiful not-so-thin people.  So, we need to start by clarifying that skinny and beautiful don't always belong in the same sentence, just as fat and beautiful can fit perfectly well together.

Second of all, how many people really can fit into a size 0, or even a 2 or 4 pair of jeans?  I know of very few.  It seems like a really poor business decision to cater to such a small number of people.  Now, I know that Abercrombie Fitch does very well and has made millions (billions?), but imagine how much more they could sell if they were just a little more open minded.  But, if Jeffries doesn't mind losing all of that business, that's his prerogative.

So, here's what I have learned, in my infinite wisdom (that may just have to do with my age :) ) I may not be the skinny little person that I would like to be. I may not look good in a bathing suit.  But I'm healthy and I'm happy. I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for who loves me even if I have a little extra to love.  I will enjoy an extra glass of wine or the occasional dessert without any guilt, and I will run and run until I can't run anymore.  Although I know he'll never see this, Mike Jeffries, you can kiss my ass.  ;)

Learning to Say Goodbye

I've decided that the crappy part of life is that it ends way too soon. 

We lost our precious dog, Betty last weekend.  She was our first pet, before our children, before having a house, before having real jobs.  She was truly a part of our family.

Betty was a most interesting dog.  She resembled a dingo, funny looking girl, with really big ears.  In fact, we even called her RBE sometimes.  We first met Betty at Petsmart when they were doing a Love a Pet adoption event.  Betty had been brought in with a rope around her neck; the employees thought she was a junk yard dog.  She ran over and peed on my foot and right then I knew I had to have her.  We brought her home and she ran around our small apartment like a mad dog.  She would pee on the floor every time we came home and tore up the carpet during thunderstorms. 

As Betty grew older, we all learned so much.  Betty learned to go pee only outside and we learned how to replace carpet.  She never did grow out of her fear of thunderstorms, although once her hearing went out, she stopped tearing up the carpet.

Betty turned out to be such a great dog.  She loved back packing and would swim in a lake for hours.  She once lead us right to the camp on a rainy night in a forest so dark, you could barely see your hand in front of you.

When we brought home our children, she loved them immediately.  She was very protective of them and was so patient as they climbed all over her and pulled her tail.  She scared the bad guys away and helped us to feel safe.

Six years ago, we were told that Betty had Cushings and had only six months to live.  Those vets didn't know Betty very well.  She lived those six years with a happiness, energy and love for life that only a dog can have.

When we brought home our puggle, Miley, four years ago, Betty accepted her as her own.  She cared for her and loved her.  They were best buds.  Miley is so lonely without her momma dog to care for her.

The last few months of Betty's life were difficult.  She would watch the other dogs swim at the lake, longing to be able to join them, but just not sure enough of herself to do it.  She had a hard time walking on the laminate floor and sometimes her legs would slide out from beneath her and she would get stuck.  She would only eat her dinner if we mixed it with chicken broth or some other yummy treat.  She had gone deaf and blind.  Although her death has been hard, I know she is out of pain and is running around on Rainbow Bridge.

Betty lived a much longer life than we ever thought.  Those extra years were a gift to us.  She was a great dog and she will always be a part of our family.

What Really is Important in Life?

I had one of the scariest nights ever tonight.  My good friend's son was missing...for three hours.  It was so horrible and I felt so helpless.  Thankfully, he was found safe and sound.  It really makes you think, however. 

This sweet boy is only eight years old.  He walked out of school and hadn't been seen since.  Jered happened to be at school and as soon as we heard the office do an all-call for him, we walked around the outside of the school.  Nowhere.  We went inside and found out that he was not on the school bus or at home.  That's when panic started to set in, but just a bit.  We have children go "missing" all the time.  They are always found within thirty minutes at a friend's house.  This boy was missing for three hours!  That never, ever happens.  After the first hour, you start to think that maybe things won't go so well.  When it starts getting dark and rainy, you really start to panic.  I found myself searching empty fields for this child, my friend's child.  What if I would have found something horrible?  I can't even bare to think of it.

I can't begin to explain the support that showed up for this family.  Not knowing what else to do, I put his picture on my Facebook page and started texting his picture to everyone I know locally.  People replied immediately.  Friends who don't even know the child or his family came to the school to help canvass the neighborhood.  Teachers came back to school, on a Friday night, to help look for him.  School police, office staff, sheriff.  This boy was GOING to be found.

Thankfully, he was found at a friend's house.  There had been a miscommunication about what was supposed to happen after school.  I am so happy to report a happy ending to my story.

But this story made me think.  What if we didn't find him?  How would that change things?  My friend's life?  My life?  Suddenly my dirty house, my bills, my stresses in life seem so....so petty.  Really, what matters in life?  My family, my friends, my children and my amazing community matter.  I am still so overwhelmed and humbled by the support we received tonight.  People who don't even know them dropped everything, on a Friday night, when they really just wanted to go home and rest, to find this child.  And they don't regret a second of it.

That's what's important in life.  This amazing, wonderful life.